Broken, abused, rejected, abandoned, disabled, ill, and alone...
When one looks at me and my life they may not see much worth looking at. I know I was struggling to see anything good earlier. It
didn't help that there were some events and a couple of people that added to the bleak grimness today. So I dressed my kids, got in my van, and took a drive.
Nothing good was playing on the radio at the moment on the one station I could get in on my old beat up radio, so I turned it off and just started singing to myself. Quietly at first, then eventually load enough my kids could hear. Worship songs and old hymns mainly. Trying to remind myself I am not truly alone even though it may feel like it right now. I didn't really feel like I was truly singing to God, but I prayed God would understand it to be the best I could offer at the moment and offer me some comfort and a bit of peace.
Later on, while at Wal-mart after having run an errand I needed to get done, my kids and I were just browsing around and I came across a small batch of whimsical signs that caught my eye. I stopped to read them and most of them talked about family and friends and all the parts of life I painfully wish I could claim right now so I started to just walk away. Then I saw one that wasn't as flashy and almost got lost amongst the clutter. I'm glad I saw it as it carried a great reminder and a much needed dose of encouragement.
"When you have faith you have hope and when you have hope you have everything."
Couldn't have read that at a better time. I never stop to be amazed at how lovingly attentive God is to His children. Especially to the ones that seemingly slip through the cracks so often and are deemed worthless by the world's standards.
Thank-you Jesus that I will always be worth more than I could ever imagine because I am Yours! (((hugs))) I am, and always will be, priceless in Your eyes no matter how others may see me or my worth.
And thank-you also for your second precious gift tonight. A man named Chester whom I will always believe to be one of your angels in disguise. Two outcasts by society's standards, finding friendship and acceptance with each other in the humble setting of a local Mc Donald's. :) Father, Your ways never cease to amaze me. Thank-You so much. ((hugs))
we need to really visit.... what a night. you do realize that you are not an outcast by any means. YOU and your boys are worth every moment you breathe air into your body that God gave you and Jesus allows you to continue to have...
ReplyDeletedoris
I am an outcast in a lot of ways actually. I shouldn't be but I am. I do have a few friends and a couple of really close ones which I am very grateful for but overall my life has been marked by society as a whole and by my family.
ReplyDeleteThat's one of the reasons I got so close to and continue to cling to Christ. He has always loved me and He sees me as priceless and precious. :)
Wonderful post, thank you for so openly sharing your heart. The aloneness you talk of in your comment here I know of that too.
ReplyDeleteI just LOVE it when God sends those strangers to give some words of acceptance and love.
I wrote a post not long ago about this. I called it "Out of the mouths of babes." The young woman who came just at the right time actually hammered at my front door. :)
Like I said, I LOVE it when God does that!"
Your post also reminded me of when I was a single Mom driving around in my old Nissan singing "How Great Thou Art!" and my little 3 year old *AJ was singing along. We were homeless at the time, thank God I had my car.
God is so good and He provided just what we needed. Also lessons I will never forget. :)
I think for me growing up not knowing I was an Aspie caused a deep sense of alienation. Being dyslexic too caused a lot of bullying. Looking back though, even as a tiny child I would talk to Jesus and also pray myself to sleep. Your posts are speaking to me, thank you!
Love and hugs.
Lisa. xx :)
Thank-you for sharing that. I truly appreciate it deeply ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteI will definitely look up the post you mentioned too. We seem to have a lot in common. Our disabilities may be different but our faith, perserverance, and even a lot of our struggles seem to be shared. I am both saddened and grateful for that. Saddened because I hate to see someone go through so much but grateful I have met a friend who understands. Thank-you ((hugs))